Chapter One

I was born in Blackburn in Lancashire in 1937. Apparently my birth was difficult and complicated and I acquired brain damage soon after my birth. I was brought up in a small terraced house in a cobbled street with my sister and three brothers. Blackburn was a mill town and one of my earliest memories is waking up each morning to the sound of iron and wooden bottomed clogs on the bleached white pavements below the bedroom window as the mill workers walked past our home on their way to work.
Because of the effects of cerebral palsy (brain damage), I was unable to walk until around nine years of age and unable to speak in a way others could understand until my teenage years. My childhood was a mixture of kindness from my extended family, ridicule from others and dramas ranging from my own temper tantrums, caused by severe frustration – the only means of gaining attention – to struggles against authorities who wanted to classify me as ‘mental’ or amputate my limbs because they thought artificial limbs would be more use to me than my own. I have nightmarish memories of being ridiculed, both in the street and at school by children who found me a great source of entertainment. What was maybe more embarrassing than the ridicule itself was the public nature of these daily incidents, or the memories of being called to the head mistress’s office, never knowing why until I arrived at her desk – would it be another letter for my parents, which would send my dad into orbit? – a letter complaining about the state of my clothes because I dribbled so profusely, a letter recommending my right arm be amputated, or inviting me to attend a school for mental defectives.
Although my walking, my posture, the use of my hands and my speech were all affected by my brain damage, there was never anything wrong with my intellect. This was proven when I was expelled from mainstream school and offered a place at a school for mental defectives. My parents and grandparents, along with help from our family doctor, fought this and this episode in my life culminated in my attendance at a mental health tribunal where I was pronounced to be of sane mind and an above average intelligence. I was very aware of all the negative messages given to me during my formative years. I wasn’t acceptable the way I was – I had to change and become like others!
Through willpower and sheer bloody-mindedness I forced myself to walk, ignoring the advice of the medical profession. Reading and writing were difficult and speech was a mammoth undertaking but with the help of my family, friends and neighbours I achieved the impossible. Impossible – because before I reached my second birthday my parents were told I would never walk or talk and there was a possibility I would be uneducable. They were also told I would not live beyond the age of ten.
The effects of all the negatives of my childhood were devastating. I internalised all of the oppressive, degrading and inhuman treatments and comments of my young life and in my late teens found relief and blissful oblivion in alcohol. I became an alcoholic. In drink I found I was released from thoughts of inadequacy, from debilitating shyness and a severe lack of confidence, from shaky dexterity, and became unaware of my communication problems. It was my friend Eileen who recognised my drink problem and worked so hard to get me off the bottle. Eileen and I went to school together and we became inseparable, maybe because she experienced similar problems, because she had a glandular problem and appeared very grossly overweight.
We both worked at the same cotton mill when we left school and it was when she discovered my flask of coffee actually contained alcohol that she became alerted to my problem. She also followed me to the pub at lunchtime and again in the evening. Eileen and I had physical fights over my addiction. She also enlisted the help of two other friends. Between them they made me see the error of my ways and it took a great strength of will on my part to give up alcohol. I soon realised that alcohol only masked the problem temporarily. The problems were still there when I was sober; alcohol didn’t cure anything. In the cold light of day I had to live and accept myself for who I was and what I was. I had to decide whether to live my life as best I could or drown myself in the expensive oblivion of alcohol.
I think my problems were impacted because I could not actually speak during my early life and so could never verbalise my feelings. I was cared for remarkably well by each member of my immediate family and many of my extended family but I think there is a verbal reasoning power that develops along with the comprehension and expression of language and I didn’t possess this verbal reasoning as a child. Not being able to express my thoughts, feelings and not being able to reply and respond verbally to what was happening in my life compounded the damage.
It has been a continuing fight throughout my life for acceptance and to be treated as ordinary. That fight still goes on today! I had to work really hard to overcome the difficulties imposed by acquiring the crucial skills of mobility and speech (and thus thought) at a late stage in life. Many people worked with me in my acquiring of these skills and although I am intensely shy and face prejudice I feel indebted to those wonderful people and feel I must achieve all I can in life and live it to the full.
As I reflect on life, I am awestruck by my successes and achievements. I have worked well beyond the expected years, well beyond retirement age. I am married to an adorable, admirable and beautiful wife. I have reared three absolutely sensational children (I even have grandchildren). I have attended college and university and have a stream of academic qualifications. I have held senior positions in the health and education sector and since 1990 have run a successful training and consultancy business. Maybe those who criticised, ridiculed, oppressed and rejected me in early life did more good than harm.
Maybe they taught me and gave me a personal strength that has made me extraordinarily determined and has aided development and achievement.